#047 Owning Your Financial Future | Ann Wilson

Ann Wilson, guest · [05:32]So there had been these micro steps, which I think led me to orient towards I don't want to be dependent on somebody else. I don't want to be vulnerable. I don't want to end up in a park bench in my old age, hoping that somebody else will look after me. that there was nothing free in that. I had got into a debt hole and realized like, hang on, there's no freedom in this. If I didn't stop work, if I, if something happened to me and I, and I didn't have the money, I was literally now working for everybody else except myself. So this illusion of freedom that came with money. And so I realized, okay, work hard, get a good job. Great. Money's coming in. Gee, don't get into debt. So these pieces of these puzzles started coming together. But I was then actually working in Hong Kong. I traveled there and it was all now about how do I work really hard? How do I spend as little as I can? Deprive myself because there was also an aspect of almost shaming. If I have no needs, no wants, and if I can keep as much money as I want, then I won't go into debt. I'll save money. And then eventually, at some point, I'll be able to do what I want to do. But for firstly, hopefully some point I'll feel safe. Because I think it's important we have the safety conversation, especially as women, which I don't think is brought into enough of, and, and, and it's, and the need for safety, emotional safety, financial safety, before we can even talk about power and self-expression and anything else, because it's a foundational aspect. So there were these components, and I realized looking back, I first wanted to be safe. But everything I was doing was contracting. It was just Not nice. I don't think I became a particularly nice person. So my marriage broke up. It was all about what we couldn't do, what we couldn't have, future side. And the money I'd been holding on to and the favors all walked out the door. And it was really a pivotal point. I was just turning, going into my thirties and went, wow, you know, I thought I was doing the right thing. I was working hard. I had the good job. I thought I was, you know, saving and not being frivolous and being like a woman, you know. A lot of the shaming language that we're also given shouldn't design anything. But shit, this didn't feel like a successful life. And that was the real point when I went, hang on, there has to be an end. Surely there's a way for me to feel financially safe and do some of the things I want to do and feel self-expressed. And so then I went, and I also knew there was a deep link with, with money and just what I did and didn't know about it. And so this was the point where I had to hang on. What has my education not taught me? What has my growing up not taught me? What's my exposure? And as a woman, fascinatingly, Petro, women are, and through centuries, are very good at the short-term money management. So often have been the one who's been responsible for the household budget, making the most of, you know, the food bill and that. But longer-term financial well-being, specifically, let's talk about assets, investing, control over where real wealth sits, as opposed to money management, is a world that most women have been excluded from because it's actually where the real power sits.

Ann Wilson, guest · [11:13]maybe let me start with what I sort of see as the difference between maybe being rich versus being wealthy. So riches or richness, or often we, we are a society and we use our visual senses explicitly to validate our world. So things that we can tangibly see, and we see this more and more now, we talk about sex, success and, and power. what car does that person drive? What home do they live in? What holidays they have? What does their Instagram feed look like? What does their jewelry, their handbag, all of the status signaling that we have? And so we go, oh, well that must be rich and, and around whatever our value structure is. Maybe the kids go to a certain school. And then so we see this, this relationship with money, buying something. So we think that is, well, so if we have more money, we can have more of these things, and therefore we made it, and now we'll finally be enough and worthy and successful and safe. That the challenges we're focusing on money versus wealthy is actually when we are not having to create that money flow. So wealthy is when there's this, this bank of assets, and we can talk about actual financial assets. So owning and controlling shares in companies, real estate that can grow in value. So an asset is something that can grow in value and or generate income, not necessarily both, preferably both. So it grows in capital value, it can generate income without us having to be involved in that exchange. So the wealth comes from we are, we get to control those. And so it's like this vast resource of teams creating and generating money that we're going to get to use. But this is the difference. Wealthy people understand that they need to focus first on building the assets. People who will constantly stay chasing riches will focus on how do I get money. And this can then be expanded in so many ways. And this is really such a foundational difference. It's why, yes, we need to be investing. We've got to take some of the money we have and turn that into assets. Because without doing that, you will never be wealthy.

Ann Wilson, guest · [15:43]I think one of the biggest and hardest ones for us to unlearn is our, our fixation with complexity. And so when it comes to investing and managing money, we've been fed a whole lot of BS by an industry that wants us, or humans, with, you know, the, the population, but majority women. To feel afraid that they're going to fuck this up. And just so that there's a double-edged sword here. So one, there's an industry that wants people to be afraid because then it's like, well, this is so fundamentally important because money weaves through every aspect of our life. And one of the greatest fears that people have is ending up destitute, ending up on a park bench and, and, you know, having to, you know, and being almost the ultimate failure in life because money not only gives us all of these external things, but defines our worthiness, our sense of self-esteem, purpose, blah, blah, blah. So it does weave through all these things. So now, if we mess up the money management, all heaven forbid, the investing, then what does that say about us? And so there's this aspect that one, it must be complicated, scary, gonna get it wrong, overwhelming. We fade that, but we also love to think that something that's more complicated must be better. You know, the next thing, more buttons. And so there's these Things that also drive fear and greed that make people think it's more complicated than it is. So there's something telling them it is more complicated, but going, oh, well, it must. But also the third thing that this comes, it impacts is makes people vulnerable to the hustle or the scam culture or, hey, I've just discovered this special secret that's going to give you the hack that this weekend you do this and you will be the few who ride the wave of this one investment, where people then fall for the scam.

Ann Wilson, guest · [24:26]It'll say, and this is very much for women. If you Have to keep some of the money that you make. First step, and then and invest it. The investing habit, and it's a habit, is the most important one because it's not just about that seed of money, because it needs time. It needs to, it's like a seed that gets planted, it then grows in value. That money grows in value and compounding starts working. So now you've got time working for you, but there is a radical mental shift that happens when you say, not only there is enough for me to keep some of my life, but also my financial wellbeing matters, and it's the most important bill I pay first. So paying yourself first is a phrase that's used a lot, but it's deeply misunderstood. And as business owners, many people think, oh, well, that means I pay myself a salary. No, no. Paying yourself first means the, some of that money stays in your life and it gets converted into an asset that will work for you for the rest of your life. It stays in your life and grows. But there's a deeper side, because this gain comes to our power, our agency. Because then we can say, well, how am I paying myself first? We've all got three ingredients. Just three inputs to create the lived experience we have. We've got our time, our money, and our energy, basically our life force. That's all. Money is just a proxy for value that we get to exchange. That's what it is. If we are not prepared to pay ourselves first, time, money, and energy in our life, and then we wonder why we're not, why we're resentful, exhausted, we're not getting the results we want, always look there. Where are you putting your energy? Are you spending some of your energy on the projects, the things that you say Important to you. Are you putting some of that money into your financial wellbeing and ensuring your financial future is in place? Are you spending your time on the things that matter and you first? And as women, if you're not prepared to do that, this radical shift can feel so selfish. People say, but, but Ann, I've got to look after the kids, I've got to pay the school fees, I've got to do this. everybody else first. And again, we're taught, we're taught that being a good girl means sacrifice, martyrdom. We've been passed this martyrish story down into generation, and we're the first generation that had the full resources to do it, but we've got to change the pattern. And so this is the most radical important step. And whether it's ten rand, five dollars, it, it doesn't matter. It's, it's a, it's a step. It's a mindset shift, and then it's a habit. It's a discipline that no matter what, these things come before everything else, and that muscle starts growing. And that changes everything.

Ann Wilson, guest · [39:09]You don't have to wait until you're financially free to start a business or do those passions. I think it is to go, I think it is important that we have a certain level of financial safety. So a lot of people want to start a business or transition and they, they fed a lot of stories like leap and the parachute will open. No, sometimes it doesn't. Don't be fucking stupid. You know, no, there is, and so there is aspects of financial wellbeing. It doesn't have to be financially free, but if somebody wants to start a business, know what do you need? What is going to be your baseline? Do you have a relationship with your money where you know what's coming in and what's going out? Because if you don't, It's like having staff that you don't know what their job is, and you're paying them every month. I mean, that's just not a good business owner. You know, money is a resource. You need to know, are you directing it, where it's coming from, where it's going? Because then you have a choice, and you then can say, okay, how many months am I going to give myself? What are my metrics? What is going to be success? And this is super important that we actually know what, and when it comes to creating a business, I was very, very clear with myself that this was not a charity, and that also I had to apply the same principles that the, the business needed to be a financial success. It needed to be self-sustaining because I was, I wanted to employ people, there was agency around this, and it not, must not need me to, you know, feed it as And there's nothing wrong if people want a hobby, but then be honest and it's a hobby. Don't call it a business. And so if it's a business, you know what its metrics are, and you know what is needed to break even, to pay certain amounts, and how long is that going to take you, and what is the plan to get there. And it might have variables, but then in your personal financial position to able to make that jump, say, okay, let me give myself a contingency. If you're building a home, you'll know what your budget is, how many rooms it's going to have, what's your contingency you have, and then you work within that. The business is the same. And then say, okay, well, I'm going to make sure that my business is free of the burden of having to pay me for, let's say, a year. So how much money do I need for that year? Let me make sure I've got that cash buffer in place.

Ann Wilson, guest · [42:28]But I was sitting and I realized I was just moving the deck chairs. I kept doing another course. I kept waiting for this. I wasn't quite ready. Let me move these things. And I sat and went, hang on, what is going on? And it, and I sat and I felt in my, in my body, there was this felt like this big rock inside of me. Every time that, like, that knot in my stomach, I went, you know, it was like I'd found this perfect piece of land to build my beautiful home in the most idyllic place. I had everything available, but there was this big frigging boulder in the middle of that field. And so now I needed, I needed to get rid of it. And I'd bought into this story in a way that, you know, the next thing to be healed or sorted or, or the not enough, not really enough. So this next thing to just avoid. So I went, well, what if I don't have to get rid of this? I don't have to get rid of the not, my not enoughness. What if it's just going, well, I can build my home around it. I can make a feature. I can make it beautiful. I don't have to coat it over. And I think, you know, I'm going to go off, I was living in Paris. I'm going to go off and find a stone to represent this. And I went off with my dog. She was loving. She has a midday walk. And, then I started looking down and there was these stones all over the place. I was going, but which is the right one? I mean, this is important. I mustn't get it wrong. And then eventually about 20 minutes in, I went, oh my God, I'm getting hooked again. And I looked down and I said, okay, whichever stone is nearest to me. And there were two there. Oh, you've got to be joking, universe. I picked them up. I said, threw them up. Whichever one lands close is going to be good enough. And I carry, I still have that rock 15 years down the line. No, not quite. 12 years down the line. And I call it my little enough rock. And it's a reminder that I'm never going to feel. And that's okay, because there's nothing outside of me that can make me enough. And this relates to our money as well and our business, and it's okay to feel that fear and get hooked into those status things and stuff. It's not a judgment, it's just part of one of our, some of our human needs. But when I could separate out my desire for expression, curiosity to create side from my sense of deep worthiness, and realize, oh, there is no amount of money we can have, there's no outfit we can have, there's no nails that can ever define my enough, because it's not definable by something outside of us. We already are.