#034 The Transformative Break | Zaheera Soomar

Zaheera Soomar, guest · [15:34]When I came back, I struggled. So the first few weeks were about really getting comfortable with the idea that I'm not working. It's the first time in my life I'm not working. I almost felt like a loss of purpose. I think because I tied a lot of my identity and my purpose to my work, I was living out my passion and living out my purpose through my work. So when my work stopped, it almost felt like that stopped. And I was wondering, like, who am I? What am I even doing? What is my purpose here? What am I achieving on a daily basis, you know? And I felt a bit of loss of identity. My self-worth was extremely low. I started questioning myself and wondering, did I do the right thing? Did I do the right thing for myself? Did I do the right thing for my family? I didn't yet start thinking about kind of next steps or what's, I was just living in the moment. So I would say that a big part of January was my first month was just struggling with the fact that my purpose and my passion were tied to my work and now it's kind of lost. My self-worth was low. My identity was being questioned. And I didn't know what I was getting up for every morning, apart from my family, but I didn't know what I was getting up every morning for. And I think that's where my to-do list started getting built. And I think part of the intention was to fill it so that I wouldn't sit in an idle state feeling and wondering all the things that I was feeling. So it was kind of a numb the pain type of thing. If I keep myself busy, I don't feel this pain. So I started filling my time with some of these remedial things on my to-do list, like paint my room, because it would fill my time. And I could feel some sense of self-worth and like that I was achieving something, I was doing something with my time.

Zaheera Soomar, guest · [18:45]So in Feb, I started thinking, okay, I should start applying for jobs because at this level, when you're applying for senior roles, it does take a few months. And so, you know, you need to give yourself that few months. So I started applying for roles and I started realizing very quickly that the economy, even globally and specifically even in Canada, was quite changed. There were a lot of retrenchments taking place in a lot of different organizations. The types of roles that I was interested in, there weren't too many of them, and a lot of those roles were actually the ones being retrenched a lot of the times. And so I had a bit of this, I don't know if it was a reality of like, oh my God, this is not going to be as easy to get back into the workplace as I thought it would be. But also while I was applying for roles, I felt a bit scrambled. I took a moment and I realized, you're applying for these very different roles all over the show, and I felt a bit scrambled. And I told myself, no, you need to actually take the time to think about what it is that you want. And I had that realization probably six to eight weeks in. So in Feb, I would say mid to late Feb. And That's when things actually started to change for me, because that's when I started, I think, giving myself permission to just be, to just regroup, rethink, reset, and not have to have it all figured out. And that's when I just started to breathe more and stopped needing a justification as to why I'm on a sabbatical. And I was, and I started saying things like, I'm taking a break because I deserve one. And I don't know what I'm going to do in this time, and that's okay. And I don't know what comes next, but I'll figure it out, but that's okay. And it wasn't telling other people that, but it was my ability to tell myself that and feel okay with it.

Zaheera Soomar, guest · [29:26]A few things. I think one is how much of my self-worth I attach to the organization and the role that I was in and kind of just trying to reclaim that back and attach it to myself and what I've experienced and done and achieved in my life as opposed to attaching it to an organization or role. So I've made that change and I, I feel more, my self-worth is back, back up. I feel more validated, but validated by myself and by the people that love me as opposed to being validated by an organization. so that's one. The second is I think I've calmed down, and I don't know how best to explain this, but I've always been someone that just needed to be doing something and getting something done and ticking off something. I don't have that need anymore. I don't have that need to be constantly chasing something or achieving something. I can go through a day now where I can say I was not productive and probably didn't achieve anything and feel absolutely okay. So I've given myself the permission to not be that constant overachiever that I've always been, and I've, and that's been great. And it's, it's refreshing, and it's, I feel I've lifted a burden off my shoulder by not expecting myself to be there. So that was a change. I think the other big change is my view of sabbaticals and breaks. I had a very cynical view of taking a break or sabbatical. I've gone through my career always feeling that it was weak. Even when women took mat leave for like 12 months, I would be like, what are you doing for 12 months, you know? It's a really long time, it's gonna impact your career. Why would you take 12 months for a maternity leave? I never took long maternity leaves, I always kind of needed to get back out there. I mean, I've always come across both men and women, and more women, that have taken breaks in their career because they wanted to be stay-at-home moms for a period of time, you know, it was a choice they made. And I, I always questioned it, and I always, I don't know that I supported or bought into it, or I didn't know that I saw it as positive. And my mind has shifted on that. I have a very different view on sabbaticals. I actually now feel it's probably a must. I think that's absolutely amazing and I advocate for people taking sabbaticals every now and so often in your life, if not for to just regroup, but it also serves a purpose of realigning what you're really interested and passionate about in. So I would say the third thing is my view on taking a break, taking a sabbatical has changed. I've gone from being a cynic to being a very big advocate of it.

Zaheera Soomar, guest · [34:37]One is just sitting with myself, so not having to, not having something to do, not even reading a book, not even watching something, not having, not being able to just tick off something, but it's just being able to sit, right? Calm my mind and just, number one, being able to sit. So that's, for me, part of introspection and reflection. It's just being in the moment. The second thing I think is being in tune with your feelings and what you're feeling. I've learned to kind of just Close my eyes and feel what my body's feeling. So be in touch with what are your feet, what is your feet feeling? What are your legs feeling? What is your gut feeling? You know, what is your, what are your shoulders feeling? Like where's your head space? Just really being able to dig deep and feel what is your body feeling. I think the third thing is going a bit deeper to understand why you're feeling that way. So what's driving this feeling? If you're feeling stressed or anxious, if you're feeling a bit of press on your shoulders, what in this moment is driving that feeling? Like, is it, what are you worried about? Is it fear of something? Is it a worry? Are you, you know, are you worried about finances? Are you worried about how people think of you? What you, how you're seen? Are you worried about being term unemployed? Because that was a worry about for me as well at one point in time. So just trying to understand what's causing that feeling. And then trying to go even deeper, which is what are your beliefs and your stigmas and your biases That's the root cause of those feelings. Why are you worried about being unemployed? Like, what assumptions do you have in your head that's driving a fear of being unemployed? Because if you are financially stable and you've decided to take a break, then what's wrong with that, you know? So just basically being able to just take, just in the moment, sit, take a step back, recognize beliefs, biases, assumptions that I have, and then making decisions of if I want to hold on to it or if I need to break it, if I need to let go of it, if I need to change that belief, if I need to prove it differently. So for me, that's a lot of my reflection and my introspection was just about that, really being in touch with myself, my belief system, why it exists. Do I actually believe it? What led me to that? And do I want to change it and challenge it? And do I want to have a different outlook on it?

Zaheera Soomar, guest · [46:05]So now that I'm in the interview stage with a few organizations, I also find the way that I'm conducting the interviews different, how I talk about the sabbatical, why the sabbatical, what it, I actually talk about it very openly in my interviews. And I, I don't hide the fact. I think previously I probably would have tried to hide the fact that I'm on a sabbatical or not really kind of brought any attention to it. I'm very open about it now. And I'm like, this is great. It's been amazing growth for me. I talk very openly about it. That's the, that's the first change. The second change is I find I'm interviewing them as much as they are interviewing me. This needs to be a mutual benefit for both of us. You need to want me, but I also need to want you as an organization, and even the, the kind of the hiring manager, right? I find the questions that I'm asking in these interviews are different to the questions I've asked before. It's less about the, skill-based questions, but it's more about the culture, the fit, how you make decisions, what do you really intrinsically care about, you know, how do you see your employees, how do you see your people? I've been asking those types of questions. So, you know, just things that I've found in this past year that I actually deeply care about and deeply impact me, I started asking about those things. And I find when I negotiate, I'm negotiating on things that I never negotiated before. So I've never really had to negotiate on salary, but like most people have to negotiate on salary. That's usually the first negotiation point. Can we land on a good salary that we both agree with and benefits and bonuses, et cetera. I find I'm negotiating more on things like flexibility. Can I be flexible in where I work, how I work, when I give my thinking time, et cetera? Can I work remotely? If I wanted to go spend a month in this country and I'm happy to work there, could I do that, you know? I'm finding that I'm asking those types of questions, and part of it's because I really just, you know, I think similar to you, we've explored this year, right? We've gone abroad, we've lived, and I've just appreciated the beauty of that time, and I don't want to lose that, and I don't only want to get that when I go on a next sabbatical, take a break. I want to try and build some of these things that I've really loved in this time into my daily practice or into my normal routine. So, so yeah, I'm approaching things differently. I don't know where I'm gonna land, but I hope that my, because my approach is different, I hope that I'm gonna land a little bit closer to what's gonna serve me well than what I did before.

Zaheera Soomar, guest · [48:57]Both. I think both. I think I'd definitely be a lot more supportive and encouraging for people who want to take it that are reporting to me. I think I would show up in that conversation very differently and very supportive. Even, things like maternity breaks and things. Not that I never supported that, but I think I, my view on it has all changed. When I see people burning out or potentially needing one, I might even suggest it and say, hey, have you ever thought of taking a break? Like, I've been through one, it's rejuvenating. Let's talk through it. Have you ever considered one? So I actually think I might advocate a little bit for it. For myself, absolutely. I am already dreaming about the day that I can take another one. And financially, it's being built in. And I, you know, I was talking to my husband the other day, and we were talking about Okay, you know, I'm looking for a role financially. What do we have to agree to in order to kind of, you know, let's agree on what number that looks like at a minimum so we pay our bills. And I said to him, and I want more because I'd like to save for the next time I want to take a break and I, we can financially cover that break because that's important to me. And I'm already thinking about, you know, at least a couple of years down the line, I, and I don't need, I don't feel like I need to leave work for it, but it's like, you know, every three years, take a two months break and it's a, it's a long leave essentially. Go and, you know, shut off it. I also feel it gives people the opportunity to step up, your team to step up.