#035 The Re-ignition Pause | Briony Liber

Briony Liber, guest · [01:32]The simple answer is I burnt out. And the reason I burnt out was that I've had a lifetime of not managing boundaries and people pleasing and overworking. And I got to a point where I was responsible for a fairly large team. I was responsible for quite a high billing target. I was traveling all the time. I was trying to do too many things. And I think the one thing that worked me up was the day I found myself working probably at about eight, nine o'clock in the office, reviewing a report that had been given to me at five o'clock with the request, please review this. It's due at the client by eight o'clock tomorrow morning. And after realizing that this was a pattern, I started to notice my behaviors and I started to notice that I was training people to disrespect my time, and I was tolerating working very long hours, and it really started to give me some insights into the fact that I was burning out quite badly. And that coincided with Probably about a year of me starting to feel like I wasn't who I wanted to be, that I was in quite a rut, that I was starting to lose a sense of my identity, and, and what I mean by that was I'd gone from being kind of calm, reasonable, kind, generous, to being quite resentful, getting angry very quickly, having very little capacity for patience and for people, and really starting to be a person that I didn't like. And at one stage, I went to see my doctor. She did some hormone tests. The results showed that my hormones were all in the wrong place. I was having emotional outbursts a lot, and when I started noticing that I was crying on the way to work most days, I realized that something was wrong. And it took a long time for me to get up the guts to actually make the decision, and it was mostly because I couldn't visualize myself doing anything but what I'd been doing for the twenty years that I was working. And I remember having a conversation with a friend about this, and I was telling her about my career and, and what I was doing, and she gave me her perspective of how, as I was talking, she could visualize me doing twenty different things. And it was that perspective that started this kind of journey towards being brave and starting to visualize myself as somebody different, working in a different way, living my life in a different way.

Briony Liber, guest · [06:28]So I did a vision board probably about six months before I resigned, and I was fantasizing there about having a really cool computer. So at the time, I thought a kind of Apple Air Mac or whatever they're called was a cool computer, and I fantasized about working in coffee shops and having lots of flexibility, not being at the end of anybody's bad planning and having complete control over my time, choosing who I worked with and what I did and when I did it and where I did it from. Not looking corporate at all to being able to kind of wear a relaxed shirt and jeans or whatever I wanted. It, it was the complete opposite of what I'd been in, and it's aligned a lot more with who I am as a creative person. and I put this vision board together and I had a whole suite of kind of pictures of these sorts of images and some quotes that went with it. And then I put it in a back cupboard, completely forgot about it, and five years later realized actually my vision board is exactly how I'm living my life. And that for me was quite a profound realization that when you start to imagine and you allow yourself to dream and you allow yourself to get out of kind of an emotional rut, how creative you can be and how deliberate you can be in creating the life that you want. and it's something that I say to my coaching clients all the time is stop focusing on the specific profession or career that you want to have. Focus on the life that you want and let your work support that, not the other way around.

Briony Liber, guest · [14:47]So I don't know that I really had a plan, to be honest. I had cashed out my shares, so I had some money, and my plan was to be on sabbatical until my money ran out. And I didn't have any structure. The only structure I actually had was completing this coaching course that I was doing. So a lot of my time I knew would be spent on the course and doing the course work in between and doing practice coaching sessions and so on. So that, that took up a fair amount of my time, which was great because it gave me a huge amount of opportunity to reflect on myself as well. But around that, I think the first thing I did, cause I'd booked it probably months ago, was do a four-day baking course. And loved that. And one of the things I thought I was going to do was change careers completely and start baking because I love to cook. I love to serve people. I love to be very generous with food. And so I spent the better part of six months baking every single day. And my kitchen kind of got completely taken over. I think at one stage I was baking about thirty chia butter a day. And I was starting to sell them and very quickly realized baking chia butter is not going to pay the bills in the long run. and I think the realization around the realities of baking really came when I was going to go and work in a bakery for a couple weeks to get a feel for it. And, the guy who was helping me with that phoned up and said, right, you'll need to be at the bakery at two o'clock in the morning. And I went, nope. This is gonna kill my love for baking. Let me keep this as a hobby. So that was one of the things I did. I traveled to the States for a couple weeks, spent a lot of time with family there, did some other travel that I'd been wanting to do for ages. Nothing kind of terribly kind of exciting, but just road trips and so on. And I read a lot, I slept a lot, a huge amount in fact, and I spent a lot of time journaling and thinking and noticing, and noticing that what I missed, and that's what I thought baking would fill, was being of service to people. I didn't miss the technical work at all, I didn't miss being a consultant, I didn't miss any part of how I lived, but I missed working with people and being of service. And And it was in that process that I came to the realization that what, what I really wanted to be doing was coaching and mentoring. And in the process of that, I've come to the realization that I don't particularly want to work in a team, but I love working with people. And that, and that's nothing that I'd ever had an insight into when I was working in corporate.

Briony Liber, guest · [22:26]How we all need time to think. How we all arrive, let me not speak for everybody, how unconsciously I was living my life. I remember doing a talk at one stage saying, well, entitled, I slept my way to the top. And And it was really because I felt like... I love that title. It's my title, don't steal it. And it, and it's really because I felt like I was living my life so unconsciously that I was actually asleep. And, and that was the realization for me is how, how we need to be intentional and purposeful in taking time for ourselves and giving ourselves time to think, to reflect, to struggle, to be with ourselves, to play, to potter around, to be bad at things. Because I think we spend so much of our lives trying to be perfect at things that we stop allowing ourselves to experiment. And so that, that really was my biggest takeaway. And I know your next question is going to be, do you still give yourself time? And, and I have to say I've not been great at that over the last couple years, but I'm better at noticing when I need to give myself time and, and then starting to slowly act on that. But I just don't believe any of us give ourselves enough time. We, we deflect, we distract, we get busy because it's easier than actually facing yourself and, and, and being conscious and with what you're struggling with.

Petro du Pisani, host · [24:04]My next question is actually, what do you wish you had done more of in your sabbatical?

Briony Liber, guest · [24:13]Maybe more playing. So one of the things that came up two days after I left officially, I was having a conversation with somebody, I was at an event, and as people do, the conversation goes to, oh, what do you do? AKA, what's your title? How important are you? And I was so kind of used to saying, oh, I'm a partner in a company, and on paper I'm this important, and I went, no, that's not my answer anymore. I can't use that answer. And so I turned around and said, I'm unemployed. And she looked at me with absolute horror and immediately turned around and went off to speak to somebody else. And, and the reason I'm sharing that is that I wish I'd spent more time letting go of my identity and embracing the unknown, because I, I spent a huge amount of time feeling like I should be doing something. This, this sitting around just being is not okay. I should be busy. And, and being uncomfortable with having time. And it was really only Probably six months in when I started to relax into and breathe into having time.

Briony Liber, guest · [31:09]Exciting and terrifying. It's, it was one of the most magnificent things I've ever done because I got to create something from scratch, and it was the most terrifying thing I've ever done because I still hadn't quite developed my identity as a coach, as a Business owner as somebody who works on her own, I was still a bit attached to where I'd come from, and I think a lot of people still saw me in that space and that identity. So for me, it, it, it was very exciting to start defining myself, but it was terrifying in that it was, it was the first time I hadn't felt competent in decades, and And I was having to learn so many things. You, you think in corporate that you do so many things, and then you realize actually how many people you have around you who do all the things you think you are doing. And so having to learn how to run a business and how to market and how to sell myself and how to put myself out there was exciting and terrifying at the same time. I'll

Petro du Pisani, host · [32:20]come for you to tip for tips, beginning of next year. Excellent. I'll send you my coaching rates. You can tell me exactly how to do all of this. Your reason for taking the sabbatical initially was because of burnout, so it was, probably a very, a, a very unhealthy place to be. Is there anything that you're doing now to make sure you don't ever end up there again?

Briony Liber, guest · [32:42]Well, I've partially ended up there again over the last two years, so I'm getting better at noticing when I'm starting to burn out, but I'm not perfect at it yet. But I know that the things that keep me healthy and sane and bounded are exercise, sleep, eating healthily, tapping into my support network, taking time out for myself, playing. I do a hell of a lot of crafts and painting and, and things that I never defined as being part of myself, and so actually allowing myself to play now is, is part of my keep myself out of burnout tactic. And lots of journaling and more breaks. I, I think that's probably one of the big things, is giving myself more breaks during the day, allowing myself to not finish everything

Briony Liber, guest · [34:01]I think what got me into burnout and what keeps getting me back into burnout that I'm working on currently is putting myself first. So when I went into burnout, it was because I was putting myself last all the time, and I find that when I start to edge back into burnout, it's because I've stopped putting myself first. And I actually have tattooed myself with the words First Love Yourself, because it's, I, I find it challenging. To remember that I need to put myself first, fill my cup first, make sure that I am well capacitated first before I give of myself to anybody else. And so I think the one thing I'm doing better is that I'm noticing faster and I'm starting to act on that a little bit faster, but certainly not perfectly. Do you think you'll ever take a sabbatical again, and what would you do differently? Oh, I'd love to. Absolutely love to. I probably would do something quite similar to what you're doing right now. I have two or three books in me that I want to write. I have a whole bunch of conversations that I want to be having, and I think I'd probably spend at least six months talking and writing and playing.

Petro du Pisani, host · [35:23]Is there anything else you'd like to mention that we didn't cover in the conversation?

Briony Liber, guest · [35:28]I guess I'd like to encourage anybody who's listening to this to put themselves first and to, to take purposeful time out because you're choosing to, not because you've burnt out. And I, I think there are so many people who are going into burnout these days faster and faster without realizing it. And the one thing that I've really noticed is that most people who go into burnout are brilliantly productive and their brilliant product, productivity is what actually pushes them into burnout if they don't manage their boundaries well. So I just want to encourage people to start reflecting on what you're tolerating in yourself and in others that might not be as good for you as you think it is and start looking at how to be different. So that when it comes time to take your sabbatical, you do it because you're choosing to and not because you need six months to just lie down and recuperate before you start to enjoy it.